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Friday, May 30, 2003

The Best Thing I've Read in a Long Time

Just when you think you can no longer bear it in this world, something comes to you, by the sheer grace of G-d, and lifts you up. And so it was for me when I read "The Jewish Mother's Solution" by Ellen W. Horowitz. Ellen lives on the Golan Heights with her husband and six children; she is a painter, a (really good) writer and founder of helpingIsrael.com. She addresses the following to the palestinians:

"Oy! You don’t like your occupation? This is music to a Jewish mother's ears. I have a theory that you people are feeling oppressed, frustrated and depressed due to your occupation. I mean, let's face it, anyone who spends his time obsessively occupied day in and day out with plotting new ways to maim, dismember and murder innocents had better switch occupations. Really, it could drive a person to suicide. It's time for a change. At the very least, reduce your work hours. Moving locations can definitely help. Perhaps a new environment or a climatic change. I've been hoping all these years that you would turn your energies towards something productive and creative. Now's your chance to find yourself. Just don't do it here. If you need a little help and support, go ask your Arab brothers. They’ve got 22 countries and great occupations. They're drowning in oil - go save them.

What do you mean you don't like the abuse and humiliation? Do you think I treat my own kids differently? I got news for you... If one of my kids picks up a stone and throws it at someone, the kid gets spanked, but good. Good thing I don’t live in England, as Tony Blair could have me arrested for abuse. By the way, if my kid hurts another kid, I make him and his father march over to the other kid's house and apologize to the child and his or her parents and agree to never perpetrate that act again. You bet it's humiliating! But it must work, because I have six kids - ranging in age from six to nineteen - and have only had to do this twice.You won't tolerate collective punishments, house demolitions and deportations? Listen Pal, reward and punishment is the way the world works in both my house and in the Heavens. I can assure you that if any viable, creative or productive endeavor were to ever come forth from a purely palestinian source (sorry France and Germany) and would show a purity of purpose and promise for improving the lot of the palestinians or the peoples of the region, it would be enthusiastically received, encouraged and promoted by the State of Israel. However, any violent, destructive actions on the part of an individual or group of resident palestinians, should result in permanent deportation to a desert land, where you can disappear with the sands of time.

You don't like the constraints, security checks and long lines when you come to work in my country? Too bad! Please don't complain about the surveillance, questions or strip searches. We don't trust you. You guys have been killing us. I imagine it will take a good generation or so before you can gain our trust. If you don't like the rules, leave! If you opt to stay it won't be because you have a claim to this land, as it's not yours; it will be because you are a good person - an upstanding Arab resident who has rejected evil and has chosen to take part in the building of a constructive and dynamic enterprise known as the State of Israel. Of course, in order to do this, you will have to abandon your culture of death - which means you would cease to be a palestinian. Oh my gosh! I think I just got rid of the palestinian problem! Call me oppressive, humiliating or condescending, but I believe all peoples of the region and the world will eventually thank us. You may, eventually, thank us too - for assisting you on your road to recovery."

Ellen also takes on "Jewish/Israeli diplomats, politicians, academics and international financiers and lawyers," and has a word with the Left. Her final advice is to "all authentic Jewish mothers living here and in the Diaspora." It's not to be missed.

Kol hakavod, Ellen. Will do.