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Tuesday, July 15, 2003

Hello. I'm conducting a survey on the road map to peace,

and I'd like to ask you some questions. It will take only a few minutes of your time.


The road map will succeed at bringing peace because

a) The Palestinians have a new leadership not compromised by terror.

b) The Europeans will monitor compliance.

c) The younger generation of Palestinians has been educated for peace.

d) None of the above.



The road map is different from Oslo because

a) There are no lawns in Aqaba.

b) This time Israel is not making unilateral concessions.

c) Abu Mazen's demands are different from Arafat's demands.

d) The Palestinians get a state without a final peace agreement.



Abu Mazen is a legitimate peace partner because

a) He wears a suit.

b) He may have been involved in the terror attacks at the Munich Olympics.

c) He is a Holocaust denier.

d) None of the above.



If the road map to peace were made into a movie, it would be called

a) "The State Department Strikes Back."

b) "Release from Alcatraz."

c) "It's a Wonderful Life - Not."

d) "It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad Israel."



Hudna is Arabic for

a) "Jews are suckers."

b) "Americans are suckers."

c) "Both Jews and Americans are suckers."

d) "My gun isn't big enough yet."



The cease-fire is working because

a) Shimon Peres says it is.

b) The first shooting attack killed only one foreign worker.

c) The first suicide bombing killed only one Jew.

d) None of the above.



The Palestinians will abandon terror because

a) They are concerned about the Jewish "other."

b) The Europeans don't think terrorism is very civilized.

c) Terror doesn't pay.

d) None of the above.



If the road map to peace were a book it would be called

a) "Not Such Great Expectations."

b) "Nonsense and Insensibility."

c) "Jews in Wonderland."

d) "A Freier's Tale."



Israel won the war against terror because

a) Israel's chief of staff said it won.

b) Arafat is "irrelevant."

c) The Palestinians are due to get a state in a few months.

d) None of the above.


Which of the following statements is false?

a) Abu Mazen's statement that the PA will not dismantle Hamas.

b) Abu Mazen's statement that the PA will not relinquish the "right of return."

c) Abdel-Aziz Rantisi's statement that Hamas will not rest until every Jew leaves the country.

d) The Israeli government's statement that it will not capitulate to terror.



How many suicide bombers does it take to get a state?

a) 0

b) 100

c) 250

d) We'll soon find out.



How many suicide bombers does it take to destroy a state?

a) 19

b) More than 250

c) More than 250 for a small state; more than 1,000 for a superpower.

d) No one knows - yet



If the road map to peace were a song, it would be called...

a) "The Devil Went Down to Ramallah."

b) "Don't Start Thinking About Tomorrow."

c) "I Second That Explosion."

d) "Peace is a Battlefield."



State Department officials should be trusted to oversee the road map because

a) They wanted to bring "moderate Taliban elements" into the Afghan government.

b) They neglected to tell their own government that North Korea had a nuclear bomb.

c) Their judgment of Oslo was spot-on.

d) None of the above.



When Israel kills terrorist leaders it is wrong because

a) Shimon Peres says so.

b) The president says so.

c) The secretary of state says so.

d) None of the above.



If there were a commercial to market the road map to peace, its tag-line would be:

a) "Wheeeeeeeere's the Peace?"

b) "Cease-fire: Never Had it, Never Will."

c) "The Terrorizer Bunny: It keeps going and going and going."

d) "Nails: NIS 40. Explosive materials: NIS 230. Suicide Belt: NIS 50. Road map: Priceless."



Thank you for your time.


This "Road map survey" was written by Ron Dermer and appears in the Jerusalem Post.